Delicious Daily Habits

Create and Use 10 Delicious Daily Habits

Developing Delicious Daily Habits as a key aspect of self-care is part of the Personal Foundations Program that Laurie offers as a teleclass.  Click here for more information about the Personal Foundations Program.  An excerpt about key aspects of delicious daily habits is posted below.

By LAURIE MOISON

There is so much that is out of our control when someone we love has an addiction.  Often, we feel drained and exhausted by trying to figure out how to handle situations that are breaking our hearts.  If you’re also experiencing Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, your life may feel like it’s running through your fingers faster than you can catch it and you may feel frightened and angry about the loss of control. If your spouse’s addiction has led to the end of your marriage, that adds another tidal wave of feeling out of control.  One of the places we feel this loss of control the most is in our daily routines.  Bedtimes, exercise routines, and eating patterns can all become chaotic in a crisis.

Finding ways to cherish and take care of yourself every day will help you re-balance your life and bring back your energy.  There is a daily routine that will keep you focused, clear, motivated, and moving forward and we call that routine the 10 Delicious Daily Habits. These are simple things you do each business day which make your life better.  

A delicious habit can be as simple as slipping into your most comfortable clothing and then slowly sipping a good cup of coffee while taking time to just savour the aroma and feel the gentle warmth of the cup in your hands.  It can be a bubble bath at the end of the day with candles and music to soothe away whatever stress you’ve accumulated during the day.

Here are nine tips for developing 10 Delicious Daily Habits:

1. Start by developing some habits to comfort yourself.

The Dr. Barbara Steffens reports that more than 70% of the women she surveyed about the impact sexual addiction has on spouses were experiencing Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.  The U. S. Surgeon General reports that about 30 to 40 percent of those undergoing divorce experience an increase in depression and anxiety. “Often people numb out as a way to avoid the pain. They might abuse alcohol, sex or stuff themselves with food. Be aware of what you’re doing and ask yourself, What’s the feeling I’m avoiding? What do I need that feels and tastes like a cookie?” said certified life coach Tara Padua.

If you don’t deal with your emotional needs, they will drive your life. Plus, the fact that other people notice that you’re unraveling can make you feel even more out of control. So, check in with yourself and ask: What are three things that make me feel safe, secure and comforted? For some, that’s talking to a good friend; for another, that’s sitting quietly at church; or maybe it’s playing with the dog or listening to good music.

“For some, it might be balancing the checkbook because when they know they are in charge of their finances and have money in the bank they feel at the helm of their own security ship. That can be very comforting in the financial turmoil that usually accompanies a divorce!” said Cheryl Richardson, bestselling author of “Life Makeovers: 52 Practical and Inspiring Ways to Improve Your Life One Week at a Time.” Richardson was featured in Oprah’s Lifestyle Makeovers series. Her newest book is, “Practicing Extreme Self Care”.

 After you’ve written your comfort measures list, seek out people you respect who take incredible care of themselves and ask them for tips. Then assemble a comfort kit so you’ll have everything at your fingertips. For example, if one of your comfort measures is taking a nice bath by candlelight, stock up on candles and bath salts so they’re ready when you need them.

 

2. Allow change.

Sometimes we’re reluctant to develop new habits because that means we’re leaving the old ones behind. Dealing with a spouse’s addiction or going through divorce requires us to transition from one life to another. “Sometimes, we’re so busy holding on to all the pieces that are pulling us in different directions, we forget we’re going through a transition. What’s been in place is breaking apart so there’s opportunity for new life if you chose to create it,” said Padua.

 

3. Choose only habits that you want. Never select things that you should do.

Decide to stop shoulding on yourself. Should is about what other people think. What do you think? Going through a marriage crisis is a great time to achieve greater integrity by choosing to live your life authentically.  Dig down deep and figure out what it is that rings your chimes and put those things into your habits. You’ll be happier. “Like attracts like. The better we treat ourselves, the better partner we’re going to attract,” said Richardson.

 

4. Choose habits that give you energy.

Life is about energy. Some situations give us energy. Others suck it out of us. Addictions and divorce suck. So, fill that vacuum by developing habits that leave you with more energy. Delicious daily habits that actually add to your well-being, for example, would be eating a big salad every day or stop eating after 7 p.m. or watching television until midnight.  Ask how your energy level is every day. If you find yourself dragging, it’s time to pull out one of those habits.

 

5. Keep your habits simple. 

Don’t set yourself up for failure by making this a big, expensive deal. Delicious habits cost little in terms of time, money and energy but yield big results in terms of happiness. They can be as simple as taking a shower and making your bed every day. These are often huge accomplishments in the early days of discovery of a spouse’s addiction or in the aftermath of a divorce, when all you feel like doing is crawling under the blankey. “Ask what do I need to grow, blossom and flourish?” said Padua.

 

Some Suggestions:

• Thank one person.
• Eat a healthy breakfast.
• Read a book you want to read.
• Spend an hour with my children
• Go to the gym.
• Walk three miles each morning.
• Read the newspaper.
• Meditate for 20 minutes.
• Take my vitamins,
• Handle one thing I have to do.
• Write in my gratitude journal.

 

6. Set your day up so there’s a logical flow to the habits.

For example:

Morning — Take a walk; make my bed; take my vitamins.

During the day — Do three things on my to-do list; listen to great music; commit to 20 minutes on a project.

Before bed — Write the next day’s to do list; talk with a good friend; record in my gratitude journal at least three great things that happened today.

One of the benefits of organizing your habits is if part of the day crazy, you’ve always got habits you can plug into later in the day. If your morning routine was off, you can catch up by doing your mid-day habits. If the whole day fell apart, you always have your bedtime routine. The point is, these habits aren’t all or none. Once you have a sense of how you’d like to fit your habits in, create a tracking system to support your habits.

 

7. Modify your habits as you wish.

It takes some fine-tuning to have the 10 habits that work best for you, so if you find yourself not doing one of two of your habits, change or replace them with ones which come naturally.

 

8. Make self care a priority.

Put time in your schedule for your habits. Use ink. “Every time we neglect ourselves, we commit an act of self betrayal. That whittles away at our ability to trust ourselves. Knowing you can trust yourself to take care of yourself is a big issue. Many carry the belief that their spouse and marriage is going to take care of them for rest of life. The person who is primarily responsible for you is you. Self trust allows you to feel stable and secure as you navigate the rocky waters of divorce,” said Richardson. “So, get help keeping yourself accountable. Ask good friends to ask you once a day, ‘what did you do for yourself today?’”

 

9. Be patient.

Developing new habits takes time. Experts suggest you develop one new habit at a time. If you try to start too many at once, you’ll set yourself up for failure. Most experts say it takes between 21 and 30 days for a habit to become firmly established. So, start with the one habit you think will give you the most juice and then add another habit in three weeks. Before the end of the year, you’ll be well on your way to a delicious life. “Take one day at a time. If you miss a day, pick it up the next day. Keep at it. You’re going through an emotional time. So, give yourself a break and don’t expect perfection,” said Richardson.

 

“Habits are rituals that have some intention or purpose. The combination of purpose and repetitive practice elevates normal day to day things to another level. The value is in the practice. A lot of us think we need to be perfect all the time. The reality is we are flawed and imperfect and that’s beautiful. Rituals are not perfect but their practice is,” said Padua.

 

Working your 10 Delicious Daily Habits sends a message that you’re committed to having each day be all that it can be.

 

 Ask Yourself…

What would be the habits that would enrich my experience of life, every day?

Benefits of your 10 Delicious Daily Habits

1. You have a healthy routine.

2. You have a focus.

3. You have more energy.

4. You are more likely to maintain balance.

5. You’ll feel great.

“Do or do not, there is no try.”  Yoda 

Create your 10 Delicious Daily Habits

Make a list of 20 delicious daily habits that you could do. Then pare it down to 10 and create a visual display or tracking system to support you in doing these each day.

1.____________________________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________________

3.____________________________________________________________

4.____________________________________________________________

5.____________________________________________________________

6.____________________________________________________________

7.____________________________________________________________

8.____________________________________________________________

9.____________________________________________________________

10.___________________________________________________________

11.___________________________________________________________

12.___________________________________________________________

13.___________________________________________________________

14.___________________________________________________________

15.___________________________________________________________

16.___________________________________________________________

17.___________________________________________________________

18.___________________________________________________________

19.___________________________________________________________

20.___________________________________________________________

 

NOTE:  You may also decide that some of these 10 are weekly habits, such as:  going dancing once a week or going to church or eating dinner with friends, etc.  If you have designated some of these habits as part of a delicious week, it is OK to give yourself credit for doing the subset of the 10 that you view as daily habits.  In other words, if seven of your 10 delicious habits are dailies and three are weeklies, if you do the seven which are dailies, go ahead and give yourself credit.

As you continue to practice your Delicious Daily Habits, you’ll find that you are meeting your needs on a regular basis.  This means less anxiety, greater productivity and greater joy.   What a deal!  Chose a Delicious Life!